amnesiac.

2007-12-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna move my blog soon.

PS: And once again, Man Utd has ruled Anfield! =D Glory glory!

2007-12-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

blogs.

when i came across a couple of blogs today, i realised how age differs in the way one writes. at this point of time, i dislike reading blogs that belong to secondary schoolers. im sorry kids, but really. i started blogging when i was about their age too, and perhaps when i reflect back upon the usage of words or sentences i've used back then, i could actually give myself a kick in the ass. it's like, "what was i thinking man?!" your blogging style will definitely change in time.

really.

it's most hilarious when you read so much about lovey dovey young teenage blogs. i've got to admit, i WAS one. that's the part where the presence of kickass starts to enter. and that, too, was one of the reasons why i don't put archives in my blog. heee. =D but i mean business here. how often are u able to catch someone who can write so well about the things they've seen and observed, more opinions and ideologies which they have come up with originally, or how they are able to thoroughly justify them?

deep thinkers, i like.

and random.

i need more jokes in life.

2007-12-10T21:12:00.000+08:00

Happy belated 20th to Rifaie! (8th Dec '07)

And happy 2nd to Fidobabycat. (: (10th Dec '07)

2007-12-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

i still dont know why
girls would call themselves
words associated with
"angel" or "princess"
or whatsoever.
tak leh angkat kan?
HAHA.
seriously..
tell them stop it la.
=X

2007-11-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

haha. idiot eh?

when i was twelve
my pri sch bestie and my exboyfiee
were each other's first love
it seemed awfully amusing
how they got "officially" together
a classmate of mine
tore a piece of paper from his exercise book
and had it written on it as
"contract steady form"
for both of them to sign
like a consent form for your parents
to sign for excursions
yea, just like it.
so when the both of them had agreed
and signed their names on the paper
they are officially together.
haha.
how cute.

does the status "in a relationship"
really matters to us?
somebody who was once close with me had said
"i dont believe in relationships.
as long as she loves me, i love her,
that's all that matters."
you may think it's childish because
it's coming from a seventeen year old
but there's more than what he meant by this.
if you think it through
it's more mature
than what you could have thought of

and there are too many types
of relationship
some would have short and meaningful ones
while there are also the opposite
some are able to make their relationships
a long and fruitful one
while some are in for its status
some would find
to forget someone else
some would be
because their peers are attached
and some would use others as a rebound
funny eh, why people would consider themselves
in a relationship
when their hearts aren't in it?
how can they allow people
they just knew not for very long
in their lives so easily?

there's even a girl
i knew from secondary school
who lost count with
the number of exbfs she has
-_______-"

ah nvm all these.
i just find it very hard
to consider myself officially
"in a relationship"
not because im not confident
or that i cant commit
and definitely not because im doubting you
i just dont want to
and i really like it how we are now
im glad you understand
what i meant
with every word i've said
(:

2007-11-26T21:50:00.000+08:00

when situations happen fairly reasonable

against me

naturally

it would take a split second

for me to throw

every tantrum and blame

every single reason

despite knowing

the root of all faults is

as the matter of fact

mine.

how do i like it now?
:(

oh boring, i'm not blogging much.
could you write my thoughts then?
since you could read me
like an open book.

2007-11-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

right after i had my slippers torn

and my darling bought me a 6.50 bucks slippers

i realise how i appreciate footwears

when i saw other girls wearing them

many times we dont realise

our needs are right in front of us

we already have it

we've already earned it

but because of greed and dissatifaction

we tend to ask for more

and we'll never be wealthy

if we can never learn to appreciate

ps: my darling is a female specie.

thanks rifaie for the site. =D

2007-11-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

it feels so uneasy now

with everything.

and there are many things

i badly want to get it done

but i dont know where to start

oh god

show me the path

so i'll feel much better

than this.

2007-11-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

only communication tells it all.

sometimes problems occur.

and the more we keep assuming.

the more we keep analysing.

we could actually get our facts wrong.

and we took a whole lot of time thinking

what is going on

only to find out that we're getting our brains work

so much

when there isnt much to think about.

why oh why.

i'm getting blunt these days.

but i guess i like it this way.

you made the resolution high.

and everything i see

seems so clear now

right in front of me.

2007-11-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

hah. bullshitbullshit.

anyhoos.. i like ginny, but i dont wanna get married to harry.

hee.

okay i just spoiled the 7th book in case u havent read it.

doesnt matter anyway.

so often the skies get so dark in the day.
occasionally bright in the night.
and im hanging on every word you're saying.
how will i make it through this?
i saw a pretty crescent today.
and i was reminded of the past.
im sorry.
eventually you'll find every single drop
in the sea.

no questions.

2007-11-08T19:45:00.000+08:00

When one door closes another door opens;

but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,

that we do not see the ones which open for us.

2007-11-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

picture of the year.

who can guess who's in the picture above?

hehee.

you needn't have any clue.

that phusical feature is rather too conspicuous.

(to the person: dont kill me!)

it seems funny how my bad days went goodbye.

and within short period of time, i'll say hello to something that surpass better.

i used to ask some people how emotions are able to change very quickly.

but i guess i've already gotten the answer.

and im rather much happier too.

i thought i haven't been like myself.

like this, like what i am now.

because honestly ladies and gentlemen.

it's really not me.

but not being myself isn't something bad you know.

and i'm so glad you told me about it.

you've made me happy lately.

really you have.

(from ismail's phone)

so i'll be sleeping now.

nights all!

daaaa~

2007-11-04T13:18:00.000+08:00

i love this bunch. =D

can you spot the wally me?

hehee.

so you thought i was still playing your game.

but you dont know.

i'm quitting you.

it's the hardest thing for me to do right now.

you know

i just have to.

i'm tired being your shadow.

which sometimes

under certain circumstances

doesnt appear

from the inside of you

sometimes twinkle

other times weak.

like the fairylights.

from an unknown stand

i was in

i've made my decision

you're not at all worth it.

not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

2007-11-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

i really miss

going to different places

with dee

and take beautiful pictures

not of us

but the landscape.

and then

we could laugh and laugh

about something

which was initially nothing

and it feels so good.

and i also miss sitting with her and shickz.

and we analyse our problems.

or not our problems.

or sometimes

they're not even problems.

with friends like these.
i have lesser excuses to frown.

im picking up the pieces.
i dont even know if it still fits.
for a moment i thought i was gone.
then when im about to fall, crumbling down.
you reappear.
and this happens again and again.
i dont know what to believe anymore.
should i stay
or should i go?

2007-10-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

i should have listened to them.
an indirect smack in my face of 'i told you so.'
the one thing that i tried to hold on to.
it always ends up in disappointment.
but afterall.
you were.
and still are.
my black and white.
because the image is old, and fading.
merely fresh.
nor much to reminisce about.
we both know
that we wanted
but we both know
you left me no choice.
you just bring me down.
no questions.

2007-10-29T14:42:00.000+08:00

on the left

is self-proclaim

1) miss vasantham

2) god's greatest creation

3) and now she's a goddess

hahaha!

but anyhooooos.

she's one of the best friends

i've ever met.

(although she can be quite irritating.)

but of course you can't have everyday

a sunday

these irritating people

are the ones who make you

laugh your heart out

who listens to whatever

you want to complain about

and no matter how much

they drive you mad

you still appreciate

their existence.

and the middle man.

he is ash's twin brother.

his name is malik.

he got seriously injured

when he fought for the mafias.

on the right is ash.

while his twin bro is feeling @#$%^&

in the hospital

he can't stop ordering food

expecting a waiter

at banquet.

-_-"

kids.
they're really smart and wonderful creatures.
so is my cat.
my cheena couzees.

and i miss winning trophies.
i lost a few of them.
three to four.
most of them were
primary school trophies.
because i happen to be in a sucky
secondary school
where everything is so new
and it's a neighbourhood school
so we don't have a strong netball team
like my primary school
where i used to
captain the team
was the fastest runner in yellow house
(i hate the yellow colour tho.
wish i was in green.)
both sprinter and long distance
but who would believe that now?
haha.
it was a long time ago.
almost a decade.
even i.
almost forget every of those
best moment of my life.

2007-10-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

you said

that you've never been

but all the things that you've seen

slowly fade away

i'm losing my voice.
it happens every year.
and i'm expecting next year too.
i guess terence pig knew this in year 1 & 2.
haha.
vomit vomit vomit.
yuckkiesss~
i guess i'm prone to getting sick now.
i get migraines like i used to.
my eyebags are returning.
so is my appetite.
but (un)fortunately
the digested delicacy turned into waste
through the upper opening
and it's been driving me crazy.

but anyhooos.
you make me happy.
when skies are grey.
(:

2007-10-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

this is how i feel right now.

*dances*

i can go tango.

samba.

line dance.

whatever.

though i don't dance.

i just feel like dancing.

nonsensically.

hehe.

who wants to join me?

other than that.

after losing a precious watch.

now i have two watches.

given by each godparent.

alhamdulilah, murah rezeki.

and amir passed his napfa!

congrats.. (:

so self-talk and imaging do help ya?

glad u made it.

and.. and kan.

ah, nvm.

((:

2007-10-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

met up with an old friend,

since childhood.

he seems okay though.

with all the past events that occur.

i'm glad that he took life with great deal.

he might still not be as matured as many expected he should.

but he's grown.

despite a little. =]

sorry sis, i didn't tell u i met up with him.

it was kinda last minute.

only planned it the day itself.

he told me to tell you

that he misses you

on the day i'll see you again.

but perhaps we girls are too busy

even bestfriends like us

have a hard time meeting each other.

i like the sms you sent me earlier.

about the relation between our two eyes.

they blink together.

move together.

cry together.

see things together.

sleep together.

and even if they never see each other.

our friendship is just the same.

there's photography ut tomorrow.

and makan2 at nanie's house.

my first time to her palace.

heh.

it's gonna be good. =D

2007-10-23T21:10:00.000+08:00

life is full of contradictory.
things that could make us happy
are the things that might seem unethical.
kids cry
knowing the reasons
that make them feel guilty.
smokers dont quit
despite being aware
of the harmful side effects.
love awaits
although being told
to move on.
how could emotions be so cruel?
why couldn't two who share
the same feelings
be together
and happy forever
and ever?
time is being too harsh
on me.

but all i could do now
is to wait
and find something worthy of you.

2007-10-22T21:37:00.000+08:00

I might have to think through.

Aunt said.

A man is wealthy when he is contented and satisfied with what he has.

Otherwise, things will never be enough for him.

But right now.

You made me feel so poor.

Because I haven't had enough of you.

And I'm jolting down.

Stuffs which was your forte.

But you're an utterly new person now.

I don't think I know you anymore.

It's just.

Impossible.

You.

2007-10-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

Pictures taken by my team today.

Title: Dark & Light
Theme: Individual interpretation of life against light.

Suhaila's best.

Her worst..

Zohra's best.. (Yes, that's half of Carmeni and I)

According to her, this is her worst. (Gillian & me)

PS: I just realise what some people said is true. My face is really boney.
But they haven't really seen my tummy.

Carmeni's best... (the model looks so cool sehhh...)
Her worst...

Gillian's best... (I think this is good.. simplicity.)

Her worst..

Introducing my worst.. Though I quite like it to little extent.

And my picture of the day. (:

That's all. Daa~

2007-10-19T08:25:00.000+08:00

Good news and bad news.
Ok bad news first.
I lost my according-to-Ben-it-is-called-ReLAX watch.
Just an imitasi of ROLEX.
But it still means a lot to me.
Godmum bought it for me in Umrah.
And we both have of the same kind.
Boohoo.
:(
It slipped through my wrist.
And it should be in one of the seats in 168.
Baarrghhh!
But like Fahmi said.
There's no point whining about it.
It won't come back.
Utter despair.
But then again.
There's still good news.
Only we both know.
And am happy about it.
You had me the sweetest hello.
And smiles every night.
Hope it won't end so soon.
Because I can't explain this feelings.
But I like it.

Sometimes it's funny
How your good friends
Are towards each other
Because you have a whole
Lot of you
Having secrets
About one another
And to be told
Not to tell the other
You call yourself
Best of friendssss
But you're doing it
To them
I mean
It's just amazing
Isn't it?

2007-10-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

There're a few things which made me feel so vulgar, but I'm still doing alright. Urvi gave me a C, which I'm not surprised because I wrote in her RJ an indirect insult about the way she conducts the lesson. I mean, I'M SORRY I DON'T HAVE GUMS OF KNOWLEDGE.. and she's the only facilitator who FINDS IT A BIG DEAL OVER A MISTAKE IN HEADINGS FOR 1 SLIDE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~W~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So other than that, it's Fido's 2nd Hari Raya at home.

3rd time someone said I look like Acha Sen.. what is her name again? But she's way too skinny,.. Look at me,.. totally cannot make it. HAH.

And I think I'm not able to meet many friends to go Hari Raya with. I don't think Yan and I are able to get a common available day. I don't like going out with so many Coralites, because I know there will be a lot of non-Coralites also (their gfs-bfs wadsoever).. I miss the badaks+Feny outing, but I think Rifaie and Harith will be in NS and I'm not sure about the others.. Plus Rifaie has yet to know what's the shiny thing that makes Feny's eyes become red.. OEPianS? Lagiiiii not sure.. Considering some are already in Uni, not sure if Yas is in Singapore, long time since I talked to Marini, bz bz bz... So I think I'll only make do with Republican friends. Haha. Will be watching Arsenal VS Man Utd at Ash's home.. Yadayada.

Ah. Gotta study for Med Tech. Daa~

2007-10-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulilah.

1 down. Few more to go. Guess I'm left with FYP and TP.

AND SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!

2007-10-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

Each time I wanna complain, I would complain to either Carmeni or Gillian. They would agree with me about everything and insult whoever to the max. HAHA. Gillian made my day today. I was sooo angry with Urvi for raising her voice about the generator, which CLEARLY I was referring to the pacemaker. But she went all, "What generator? It generates the electrical pulse to set the pace to a normal heartbeat right? Why you keep saying generator.. generator.." I haven't gotten to elaborate much and she cut me for Carmeni to speak next. Plus, I had my slide heading wrongly written as "Q5" but it wasn't Q5 because Andrew was doing on that and the slide which I presented was a brief one, and she was making a big deal about it. When I explained that it was a mistake and I had forgotten to change, she looked at me with doubt, but when Carmeni explained the same thing, she went "oh okay." BLOODY BUGGER! HOW CAN I NOT BE MAD? I'm totally angry with her the whole dayyy. I even rolled my eyes when she looked at me to have my laptop closed. ATTITUDE, BUT WHO CARES?!?

So I was telling Gillian that Carmeni said, "when she smiles, all her gums can be seen." And Gillian and I had this conversation...

Even Suresh Kumar was brought into the picture! Very funny Jill.

My niece (who is older than me by 3 years) met into an accident; had her hip bone fractured, and I haven't visited her although the hospital is a 2 min walk from my home. Mum's friend's cousin passed away while delivering pizza, and he's only 19. Dad's friend's daughter's boyfriend (seriously that's the relation) passed away on his way to get himself a new set of Hari Raya clothes. Innalilah. To my dear motorist friends, please do take extra care of yourself while riding. Amin.

I'm trying to adapt to the changes around me. As uncomfortable as it may seem, I'll try to make do with it. I had options, but I didn't choose any. And for once, I felt as though I'm right behind. I'm in search for a smile.

2007-10-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

I haven't been much of a regular blogger, have I? Been lazy. Been tired. Been like you. HAH. But I'm still your faithful blog reader; just killing the time.

It's weird when we've learned so much about our religion when we were young, yet we're ignorant to actually perform what's necessary. Felt ashamed when I saw a group of Malays buying food from school Cafe Esplanade. If you're a girl, it's an understatement. Why in the world would so many guys claim to have menstruation suddenly this month right? Shameless sonS of a *vulgar*.

Realy am tiredddd these days. I slept right after terawih yesterday. Didn't even need to count sheep. My journey to and from school were worthwhile too; was in deep sleep. Catching up with the number of hours I missed. Felt good. Yet I've to wake up early tomorrow for driving and then tuition with Haziqah. *WHINING*

BAARRRGGHHHH~

And yeah baby~~~ Man Utd won 4-0 against Wigan! =D About time they're getting gelled up. And Sofiana's playing shooter for NTU for their IVP! Guess they're against RP this Monday. I'd come down if the match is in school, but they're playing in SP this year.. bleah~ I guess I'll only catch up with her and other OEPS netballers during raye. =D

And again, pictures taken yesterday during photography module.

Jill.

Somebody familiar to you? HAHA.

Taken by Carmeni.

My picture of the day!They're really really very cute. =D

We're girls. Do the math. (:

Yan, if you're reading, he really wants me to tell him what you've told me. Told him I don't wanna talk what's between the two of you. Been in the situation, and don't wanna get involved anymore. And you've made the right decision sis. Love ya.

2007-10-02T21:07:00.000+08:00

I don't know how he was able to smile and laugh when part of his world was taken away from him and back to Allah. If I were to be in his situation, I won't want to part from my mum, with swollen eyes, and not care whoever friends that come by for a visit. I know he isn't good in showing his true emotions. And at such a young age, it's his duty as the eldest child/son to be the head of the family. Time has been running too fast. A few years seem like a few days, and it's as though Rafi, Fee and Fair had just lost a parent as well. I can't remember Rafi's, but Alhamdulilah it's the month of Ramadhan others' loved ones' lives were taken away. And it's funny how ignorant we can all be when we know how different the fate in the afterlife and this temporary world we're living in be.

I'm not prepared to lose any of my loved ones. Neither am I prepared to get my life taken away. The one big problem many of us have in ourselves is that we always think we have adequate time to repent. Prayers and fast are being taken lightly. I still miss prayers when I'm not at home or in school. I thought I'd be ashame with the way I dressed up, especially entering mosque. But I realised I'll be more ashame missing prayers, and each time I pray, I would seek forgiveness for it. Especially in this holy month, missing terawih prayers is a real waste when more pahala is multiplied again and again. Lailahailallah.

And just some of my shots of Problem 2 to share. Yours is definitely better, I know.

And a photo Zohra took of Gillian, me and Carmeni.

2007-10-02T10:16:00.000+08:00

SHIKIN SAID "BESAR SEH MOUSE!"

*laughs*

2007-10-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

My one BIG problem is very difficult to get it changed.

I HAVE DIFFICULTY CONTROLLING MY ANGER.

How?

2007-09-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

oh yeah. one more thing.

happy 19th birthday terence toh yong jie aka piggy.
=D

your faithful owner,
faiza depp.

2007-09-29T15:29:00.000+08:00

LESSON LEARNED.

1) I shall use contact lens during practical days. It's difficult wearing specs because when I turned to check for blindspot, it's just the same as not wearing specs.
2) Keep practicing in the circuit, although it's not circuit which I'm afraid of. SHIKIN!! It's your fault! I'm scared to change lane already when there're so many cars!!!
3) Don't choke. Make a good recovery. Make sure that little wrongs won't affect me psychologically. (I can apply what I learned from last sem's Sport's & Exercise Psychology module)
4) Aja aja fighting! =D

So tomorrow will be a long day. Tuition with Faiz in the morning, then Haziqah in the afternoon. Then I'll meet Feny and go buka with the Tien Tiaoz! Woooh~ Finally Feny and I turned ourselves back into ex-Coralites. HAHA. We were confused which secondary school we're from, Coral or Bedok South. (Although perhaps I think I'm much more confortable with the BDSians, but according to Feny, Syafiq bingit to organize outing because we keep turning him down. LOL.)

Hee.

OK. I need to sleep. Daaa~

2007-09-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

Grey sky high.
I tried not to act not so surprise.
I see questions in my eyes.

It's been running through my mind.
Awkward, but I like it.
And it didn't take long.

I needn't see the moon.
Because I already do.
Which we should both know.
Or perhaps.
Someday you will know.

2007-09-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

I was reading the latest reader's digest (a very favourite magazine of mine) and I was attracted to the topic "The Power Of A Smile". Even for infants who may have yet be at the age in understanding words, that doesn't mean that their emotions are less likely to develop. If we fail to smile at them, they could be the most miserable being on earth. With a smile, you can break one's perception error. With a smile, you wouldn't know who falls for you. With a smile, you could be the hero of a despondent fellow.

Maybe his smile was captivating. (: And for whatever reasons I may have, whatever decisions I may make, let it be remain in its furtiveness. No questions.

2007-09-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

I had one of my worst days today. So much of walking. And worse, I'm wearing the jelly shoes that keep giving blisters to my feet. WHY was I wearing it today.. I'm not sure myself. Really a test of patience.

Compared to other years of fasting month, I think I really felt the meaning of it now. I felt happier. I felt safer. I felt the reason for everything. It's hard to explain why, it's just the feeling inside. I didn't manage to have a good start of today actually, I was really stressed with so many things, and although there ought to be worries about present and upcoming events, yet for the first time I had no time to frown but glee and became high. Very the bagedil.

Also, I lost 2kg. Just one more, and I'd have achieved my ideal weight. But I still couldn't see myself making much progress in the mirror. Only my face got smaller, thinner, gaunt. It'll only expose my dark rings and eyebags even more. Yes, I'm getting uglier.

I'M UGLY OKAY. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

Sometimes, watching people's actions that are utterly amusing, childish, ridiculous and unnecessary rather entertains me with a laugh and sigh. It's like, c'mon babe~ you're only making things worse for yourself because of your insecurities. Alas you can only find yourself not earning the satisfaction. Blaming others won't help. And why am I writing all these anywehhh.. not as if this person knows these golden words are for her. Or maybe she will? Haha. Okeh this shouldn't bother me at all actually.

Gonna sleep. Daa~

2007-09-20T22:57:00.000+08:00

I was so mad at bro. Was freaking tired like bagedil, and he made me feel even worse. We fought like mad, and I kicked him with my left foot. Hard. Now my foot is painful. I told you, I need to learn anger management.

Last but not least, Shikin passed her TP!!!!! First time! Wooohooooooo~~

2007-09-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

Weird things have been happening lately. I couldn't much understand, but with thorough inquisitions, perhaps they are better left destructed on its own.

There are just too much things to care about now. PP presentation will be next week. There's no other friends I know whose presentation is in the morning. Can't believe I'm gonna come to school alone with a poster!!! Plus, I'm dead. I can't find the pictures of Epac Consulting, plus the ones I took with Eddie and Terrence. Soooooo GONNA DIE. I'll try to search the whole laptop by tonight; will be staying back with Carmeni to do the poster tomorrow.

But I shouldn't be the one panicking. Shickz will be having her TP TOMORROW!!! I'll pray she'll do well, and pass with driving colours. Hehee. My best to you, triplet! (:

FYP isn't much help either. The transmission part is such a headacheeeeee. Our supervisor is the worst. He even gave us the wrong link. It was supposed to be xbow.com but instead, he gave us crossbow.com and we ended up going to a site that shows real bows,.. you know.. bow and arrow.. yes, that bow. Mickey explained to few of us about the Bluetooth network, and I began to go haywireeeee. I didn't know it would be soooooo blardy hard!

Oh yeah, I went to meet up with Yan and her friends at Geylang and we both talked about our lives from where we've left behind since we last met. I guess sometimes when the rough gets going and never stops, it's only good to pretend you're getting used to it, but best if you get yourself done and over with. She's got stones, pebbles, or even rocks being thrown at her since secondary school days, and problems with the same relationship seem to be nothing new to her anymore. Worse comes to worst, people of prejudice had confidently spoken as though they had sufficient knowledge in the inbetweens when what they knew were just a little tiny winy bit of truth cum utter bias. I feel for you sis, but you know this kind of thing him and I can't get along, we'll fight and go @#$%^&! like before, and I'm sure you wouldn't want me to be involved as well, but my phone is like your home; 07-11, ring me up when you need to okehs? You take care. (:

And I'm going flat like my hp battery now.. perhaps other time then. Daaa~

2007-09-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

i guess i was too engross by not even trying.
i didn't want to leave it behind.
i am still lost; left hanging.
knowing i'll only end up at the losing end.
and things will not be the same.
soon it'll be okay, they say.
how soon is soon.
i'm tired thinking about it.
perhaps these things happen.
so i'll learn.
and am still learning.
till i see myself learning too much.
only to find out none of the knowledge is helping me.
i need to pick myself up.
once again.
and it's about time i should finally try.
it's been too long.
i need to run.
don't pull me back.

2007-09-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHO?

According to heights yo!

This is blardy funny. Ashraf was supposed to put timer but didn't, and he ended up getting his butt taken.
HAHAHA!

NISA, the MONKEY. Heheheheheheehee. =P

Year 2 Sem 2, when Amir got himself a new laptop.

And Zahran was dying to try it out. HAHA.

Well, all of us are 10 seconds away from looking ugly.

And Alhamdulilah.. Vidic scored for Man Utd. 3 points up. ((:

2007-09-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

OK I witnessed something terrible just now. It was horribile, indeed. There were these two lads on bike, riding in front of me. When one of them turned to smile, he almost got himself hit by a taxi, but managed to avoid it on time before anything bad could actually happen. What was the guy thinkinggg, risking his head at the bend?! But lucky him, it's not Ramadhan yet just now, because if he were to pass away in the month of Ramadhan, then alhamdulilah. Okeh what am I saying, praying for someone to die..
-_____-"

I've been thinking a lot about afterlife these pass few days. I've been thinking about dying. I was looking forward to this month. I thought I don't mind dying now, prepared to get my life taken away in this beautiful month. I'm waiting for a tragedy, but never will I think about suicide.

Everyone shall taste death, the life of this world is the enjoyment of deception.

- quoted from Jibrel's MSN nick.

Truth be told, I can't wait till I'm done with school and start covering myself with scarf. Because each time I tried to be humble about the attention, people don't look at it that way. I didn't ask for it, and whatever I did, I do to please myself, and not for others. I'm not in a gameshow where I'm entering a wildcard stage to pick whoever I want, or may the best man wins, whatsoever. I don't care if you think my fan club got bigger, please.. I'm not proud about it. Unfortunately for me right now, it takes a lot of courage and time to like someone just as to forget someone, but luck isn't on my side, guess all I need are answered prayers and serenity. I'm just as horrible as the incident above, risk my future by looking at my past. I thought I'm infatuated, but I realised I've been trying too hard, deluding myself. Gawd, how pathetic of me to give advice to Diy when I'm not using it. This is so skdfbdkgbdfgfgddgs.

On the other hand, I feel so blessed to be born Islam. I see the importance of patience, and getting wants without force. I taste the pleasure of Ramadhan. Alhamdulilah, may Allah guide me to the right path all the way till he's decided to take my life away. Amin.

Fee asked me what will I be cooking for sahur, and I replied "I dunno? My mum will do the cooking.."

Then I felt like smacking myself.. Unlike him, I've got mum.

2007-09-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

-________-"

2007-09-10T20:18:00.000+08:00

Woot! I'm in the same class as Carmeni for the third semester! *DANCES*

I realise I'll also be in the same class as former classmates like Gillian, Shi Hao(elective), Si Hui, Xiao Ying, Mei Yun, Andrew and Doris.. and I'll be saying hello to other friends like Su, Safi, Afif and Fariz and other people I've never heard of them before.. so yeah. Hope my class will be alright. But I'll miss jokers/buggers in my class like Isa, Jibrel, Zahran, Melvyn, Sofian, etc etc and friends like Ashraf, Diy and Nelly.. Ahhhh~~~

And my dear triplet is in the same elective as exbf. Bleah~ HAHA.

When I told Hao that Mei Yun is also in our class, he was like "???! There's no animation module for elective ah?"

HAHAHAHAHA! -_________-"

I can't believe I'm gonna graduate so sooooooon! *GASPS!*

Updating on last week's outing.

05092007 - BBQ with E44E

Ashraf fetched us from Diy's house to carry the food and stuffs. =D

Carmeni and Kumar(monkey). Zahran and Nelly.

These are the buggers I will miss. HAHA. And I love Ms Linda too! (:

Before and After.

That's us! =D

Thank you E44E for the days when we played BRAG for SEG together and having our best time in SEG camp. Will miss u guyssss! =) Also to Ms Linda to get us involved with BRAG, the camp, the BBQ, potato salad(she was supposed to treat Zahran and I, but Zahran didn't like it, so I had 2 cups. =D) and every others!

09082007 - Sentosa with Team Theme, Nisa and Raheem!

Meet Shickz, Aisyah, me and Nisa! =D

Jun and Firdaus had Ben under the sand.

Guys VS Girls

Feeling2 bollywood. Hah.

After showering...

Thanks to Raheem, we've got to enter many tourist sight seeing places for free!

Nisa and Shickz.

Tell me what item can be found for 10 cents now?

Taipusam, Star Wars, plaiting 'her' hair and my wishing coin.

Kampong days.
A little blurrified, and yeah, that's spiderman alright (according to him, at least).

(:
Really really attached to them now.. =D

3 weeks of holiday is soooooooooooooo not enough.. Who's with me?!?

2007-09-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

My brain is not able to function properly at this moment, so I'll be very random in this post.

I've collected my new specs. And it doesn't matter if I look like a teacher, secretary, makcik, etc but I can finally have a better vision compared to my previous specs. Sis has been calling me Cik Milah because I look like her(one of my aunts). Very funny, really witty. Smirks.

I went to catch Ratatouile with nephew earlier. I know it's really slow to catch it now. The story's really good. I'll give 4 popcorns to it. (:

Other than that, I think I've made a lot of self-awareness recently. There is this friend of mine who seems to get guys put hopes on her. We all know she's aware of what she's doing. Even her bestie doesn't know what to do, or tell her. In my opinion, she's either insecure, or she seeks attention. Shoot me, I'm frank. One of my guy friends is really falling for her like mad. He thinks they're unofficially together,.. whatever that means. But her bestie told me her friendster said otherwise because he doesn't seem to be the only one. Aisey man, female version of Casanova eh? One thing we all know, she isn't able to forget her ex. And then I realised no matter how unfair she's been treating others, I'm worried if I'm doing the same. I haven't forgotten the past, yet I think I made someone put hopes on me. But believe me, I'm insecure (in a different way) but I don't seek attention, mind you. It's wrong Faiza, wake up!!

I love being righteous. I enjoy being righteous.

NAHHHH~

I think it's by nature and nurture. HAHAHA~~~~~~

ok i made you go -___________-"""

2007-09-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

Perhaps understanding how this brain is able to retain temporary and permanent occasion of events seem rather uniquely amazing(and often horrifying). Sometimes they occured for a very long time, but the feeling of its occurence may just be felt as though they happened yesterday. On the other hand, we also allow our brains to let go certain happiness that we might even forget they had once affect us. Psychology is interesting isn't it? To learn how this brain is able to pick certain experience to retain, whilst others are looked at as less priority.

I can't believe how pack my days have been. It's not because of important school stuffs that matter, it's the amount of less work I've been doing and more money spent that's worrying me. I've been going out a lot a lot a lot. My days were non-stop since the SEG camp. Piles of pictures after pictures of some particular occasions. Only a few will be kept as reminscence. (I'll post about Class BBQ 05/09 and Sentosa 06/09 with Team Theme tomorrow.) Plus, there'll be FYP on Friday, and then meeting up with Ismail, Fir and other Tien Tiaoz because they'll be most probably accompanying me break fast, and have cookies together by the Esplanade. Cute eh. Haha. Aisey man.. My wallet's crying...

But then again, even with so many of these sorts, once again, I need to learn to smile.

Like Green Day said,

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life

2007-09-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

My bad. I was a-day too late.

Happy belated 15th Birthday to my deaaaarestttt Haziqah! (:

You just wait till I get some surprise for you. Hehee. =P

Things I never understood remain a curiosity for quite a long time. You may call me a girl or a lady, but there are many of them out there I could not understand why those girls behave as such. I love my girl friends, whoever they are, the ones close with me, be it bestie, Betty, triplets, fyp mates (minus Zahran) and whoever I would consult my fears and worries with. I'm speaking out of comfort zone, I know we love each other. But that doesn't make us marrying one another right?

I don't see why we need to inform each other's whereabouts everywhere we step. Because it only contradicts the meaning of trust. Plus, we all need our own space. An individual needs his or her own privacy. There's no need for disappointment when your best friend forgot to inform you, or chose not to inform you, where she wants to go on a whatever particular day. Kan?

You may not want to agree with me, or sorts.. whatever lar eh. This is my point of view.

Aku dah ngantuk nak mampos lar. Slamat malam!

2007-09-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

I love kids.

Yes, of all ages, shapes and sizes.

I've seen a lot throughout the whole weekend, and I still can't get enough of them. Why can't we just turn back time when we were still young, innocent and sinless? When I used to think relationships are completely unnecessary and falling in love was disgusting? I wrote that in my journal for my English teacher to read when I was thirteen, and she completely agreed with me about the unnecessary part.

But there's no point thinking about the past when we can make ammendments to our future can we? I'm done dreading over used-to-be(s) or what-could-have-been(s) when there are many other reasons that are able to light my life up. Like food?

I was watching my niece and nephew eating just now. It took them a whole day to finish a burger. When I was their age, I could remember clearly having a whole packet of Mee Goreng on my own. Honestly, I ate more in the past than what I've been having now. Not saying that I am health conscious, but my metabolism decrease day by day. That's why I'm fat now. Stop saying I'm anorexic, because I'm not.

~~OK I can't lie, I still eat a lot. Happy? Gees. wthwthwth.~~

I had a hair cut today. It looks okay, because according to my nephew, he said "alaa still same like last time only.." so I assume it's not that bad. Godmum bought me new shoes too. And that, she's gonna bring me to polyclinic this Tuesday so I will be referred by SGH for an eye check. She said that there'll be a possibility for operation, like Goddad's. And they told me everything will be okay and it won't hurt. Damn, I'm sooo not convinced.

Eh siallaa.. the word fat is running in my head. I think I really wanna wake up early to go for a run before FYP tomorrow. Till then~~

2007-09-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

I had practical in the morning and it was pretty bad. I hit one of the poles during circuit for parallel parking because my brain wasn't functioning properly to at least step on the break. Dumb eh? There's always a first time anyway. I haven't mount the curb yet. I might be for the upcoming one. Z.

Man U was just as sucky as me, but they still won, though it's just 1-nil against Sunderland. Reminds me of what Shickz told me her friend wrote a bulletin board in friendster. He was frustrated to see what's on the papers about Man U winning by luck, like since when has Arsenal, Liverpool and Chelsea has NEVER won by luck.. and also something like if you wanna talk about luck, try fencing, not soccer. HAHA. Amazing words. But true enough, people say whatever they wish, whatever they choose to think, even though they're in denial. Haha. Even I'm a prey to it sometimes, but I don't deny the times when Man U was sucky. Unlike other team fans, star player injured lar, this and that,.. Sudaaaalaaa~

Ok. Once again, this game is really an emotional sport. HAH.

I'm gonna need more sleep. More more more. Gd night everyone.

2007-08-31T19:39:00.000+08:00

I'll be posting up more pictures. More words later. (:

Fireworks 17th August 07

Thanks Dee for the pictures! I still wanna go Arab Street next, can?

Last Day of School cum Seoul Garden

Jibrel, Ms Linda and Isa.

Baby C, Me, Baby D and Zahran (no baby at all!)

They called them Shrek and Princess Fiona.

Me and Sihui. (:

Carmeni and Ashraf.

Meet our new "exam" invigilator, Fir. That is, if there are exams in RP. HOHO!

This is unnecessary. Thanks guys.

Seoul Garden - Isa's first time at SG, Jibrel.. I'm not so sure.

Melvyn's PRETTY face & our invigilator joining us too. Hah.

That's Sofian (Yan), the ultimate winner for last man eating & Ash whose gear seemed to get increasing as well.

Carmeni and Miss Depp.

Malini and Sha! =D

Mel's face is forever pretty lar eh. Nelly's prettier perhaps? =D

Shaaaaaa~~~~!

Give me a TimeOut pleasEeeEe?

SEG CAMP! 24th - 26th August

We love NISASASASA!

Zai, Jamal, Aisyah (cute) & Apit.

Me, Shickz, Aisyah, Nurul and Izzati.

The Gilers. =D

Aisyah and Matthew.

Student Leaders & Helpers.

Gentle "ghosts"! - taken from Azzan's friendster. I'm still scared of Isa, the pontianak bapok. HAHA.

Team 5 - thanks guys for the tips during the dance practice. (:

Team Theme - That's my team! =D (Plus Mamat the camwhore!)

Suddenly he looks tall from here.

Team Theme has our very own "Yao Ming"!

We student leaders feel attached to them. Still do.

Shickz and Aisyah.

Aisyah and Jun.

I find this photograph really nice. Ben looking so shuaiii! HAHA.

Firdaus, Shickz and Aisyah.

Me, Mamat and Shickz.

Home Sweet Home!

Pee Dee Oh 1 Oh 9 Chalet (supposedly) - 28th - 30th Aug 07

Raifana

Miss Depp. Nice nostrils, I know.

Yee Siang.

Aisyah (Twin) and me.

Raj and Melvin.

Taufik & Aisyah.

The BBQ wasn't going so well. We weren't much in a mood then either.

I miss her! She's pregnant and we're guessing 4 kids.

Aisyah.. Like baywatch eh. HAHA.

Rai and her nice pose.

I don't quite like people taking my pic alone. HEH. If I take my own, ok jgak.. =P

We met Jon (rugby) with his classmates too. But I look ugly when I took pic with him. HAHA. So not posting here. Kwang kwang kwang~~~

So tell me what plant this is?

Me HEART Her, She HEARTS Me. =D

The usual girls cam-whoring in toilets.

I never have any luck for dai dee, because Yee Siang stole all the luck. HAHA.

There're a bit more than these who came from BioTech Science course, Rai's and Yee Siang's friends. And thanks for filling the space and eating the food because there's just too much of it. Lucky they're cute, or I'll still be bumped that my dear classmates who didn't turn up screw every of the moment.

So, this blogskin isn't all wow, but yes this is all I am able to produce for 1.5hours. Live with it.

I wasn't able to blog much for the past few weeks. Had so much things to do, those stuffs only gave me less drive to think of something to say. I'm not gonna say I was busy though; busy is an excuse according to my vocabulary. Because like what someone once told me, there's always time for something you like. Either ways, thank you for everything.

I'm done for today (tonight?). Daaa~

2007-08-17T15:16:00.000+08:00

Maybe somehow without reasing.
I deserve it lar eh.
Clueless.
Tapi like childish kan.
Who are you trying to kid?
It's like aper jer.
Suke hati ar.
I've read between the lines.
And I'll disappear if you want me to.

2007-08-16T15:49:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling awful. Really, that vulgar feeling which you'll feel the need to kick something hard. Something knocked me hard in the head yesterday, and I've been thinking about it a lot, even now.

Other than that, everything else seems to be messy. I'm turning more introverted than I already was.

Things I have to do:

clear every mess i've made
sort myself out
learn anger management
more sleep
frown less
smile.

God, help me here.

2007-08-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

For every wrong I did, be it major or minor, all egos aside, I just want you to know I'm sorry. Thanks, I realise now.

And when things go wrong, only to you, I turn to.

2007-08-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

I helped Haziqah's mum make this today.

There were many of them.

And they all taste good.

There wasn't tuition with her. Her mum had not much time to serve me, and she badly wanted to give me something to eat. So I agreed to cook the prawn fritters at home.

I think my cooking looks ok.

These tasted much better than the previous.

I've given some to the neighbours, but there's still so much food, but who will help me finish them?
(:

PS: The pictures and words will be screwed up if you were to view with Mozilla.

PPS: It's ms-zery that you were looking for, but for all you know, it doesn't matter anymore.

2007-08-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

It's kind of pathetic not being able to skip for Instrumentation module anymore. I've never liked the labwork, and lucky for me, Kiat and Melvyn are in my group for tomorrow, and I guess I'll try to do something before Melvyn starts going "Today Faiza very slack. Strongly disagree lah."

-_______-"

So ask me how I spend my National Day!?!

After thiiiiiiiiiinking like crazy, I concluded it's unnecessary to spend my time outside anyway. National Day has never been so fun for me. There's Sports & Exercise Psychology UT tomorrow, and while Shikin has to study for it too and get the report touch-ups done and everything, it wouldn't be fair if I were to have a good time elsewhere. So staying at home would also mean my cash wont run dry (badly), having more time to finish up reading Amir Potter and the Deathly Hallows, more time running and chasing after Fido (equals to losing weight too!), sing (or shouting) all I want in the house alone,.. and yes I mean alone you see. Even Mum and Dad were having delicious meal at a hotel with my other relatives, sis went to catch fireworks, bro.. came back at the wrong time because as I was singing, he switched on the TV damn loud. Blardy hell.

And and kan.

I lost at Level 8 seh. I've never been to the next level before lar.
I also played Deal or no Deal Online, and when I was winning big money, Internet Explorer hang up on me.
You know that FishFishFishVulgaritiesFishFishFish feeling.
Yeah, that feeling.

Dah lah. Nothing much to talk anyway.

Last but not least,

Happy birthday Singapore. (:

2007-08-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

Some people might just be having a rough night, that they haven't had enough of sleep.

This video isn't so bad. Before that, she can't stop leaning on Diyanah! She took almost half of Diy's seat, and Shikin and I kept kicking her seat from behind. We've experienced this a lot in bus 168. It'll be worse if you meet this RP guy with sharp hair and he keeps leaning on you.

PS: he always sits at the first level. beware

Serenity, bliss, I've longed for. How much does it worth to catch a day like this? But nothing seems to be ideal. I caught a glimpse of my imperfection each day, and every esteem sinks lower, I feel like I couldn't hold on to it anymore. Take back now, my life you're stealing.

2007-08-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

I nearly died playing this game 5 min after I started. If I really died, it'll be a big news.. because I've never died playing it before. =D I know Carmeni might be thinking I'm so action now.. WAHAHAHA.. It's not all the time I action ok.. Really kan.. Heh. =P

I think my temperature's rising again. My eyes aren't red, not quite itchy, but it's painful each time I blink. It's like having mix emotions that you can't see from the expression of a someone but deep inside god knows what he or she is going through.

Good night all.

2007-08-04T21:32:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to FIR-AUSH~~~

who bothers to come to school to pick ismail up when he wants to skip halfway.. (when fir's not from rp anyway..)
who bothers to disturb me using ismail's account..
who bothers to enter my class a few times..
who's probably having gathering with the Tien Tiaoz right now..

either ways.. have a gd birthday! (:

2007-08-02T13:15:00.000+08:00

I can't afford to put up with people like you.

Fake, and getting faker.

HAHA.

Go entertain yourself.

After all, you create your own misery.

2007-07-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday.

Something happened to me reminded me about what I've read at Aisyah fairy godmother's blog.

About the old man (freaking old!) doing some smooching action.

Disgusting.

Even more disgusting than Sofian's "faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

I could poke the old man's eye with my middle finger.

Or kick him at where it hurts.

Bleah.

Stupid old folk.

Go find someone your own age.

2007-07-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't been blogging much. It's not that I'm having a catastophic period that seems so unbearable. Or when I said I need motivation to blog, I simply lied. But don't ask my why either.

I was reading Reader's Digest book under Life's Like That section, and I can share some stuffs with you guys.

Usually there's no computer problem I can't solve. But I met my match when I turned on my machine and was greeted with the message "Keyboard not detected. Hit any key to continue."

Both retired, my wife and I were expecting our share of senior moments. One day, she came in the room I was in, stopped and looked around. "What did I come here for?" she said.
I didn't want her to feel alone, so I replied, "Who are you?"

My doctor wrote out a prescription for bronchitis for me. "This is Zithromax," he said as he wrote on a pad, that said "Mypenzadyne."
"What's Mypenzadyne?" I asked.
He looked confused for a second, then enunciated slowly, "My pen is dying."

-__________-"

ps: somebody help me! sofian is disturbing me like crazeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!

2007-07-14T21:12:00.000+08:00

I thought today would be quite a terrible day, considering I only had few hours of sleep, practicals very early in the morning, followed by FTT and then tuition. But everything went just nice for me. I was doing much better during practicals(although the fact that I still have to stall my engine quite few times,.. I'll work on that!). Worse comes to worse, I knew I had not put in much effort to study for FTT. When I started reading the book that contains FTT questions, I panicked, but I told myself it's okay to fail since I'm not rushing anyway. At this point of time when I knew there wasn't much time, I put my head down and prayed in silence.

And I guess every prayer worths!

Alhamdulilah.

So Shickz and I "celebrated" at KFC, White Sands. When we were about to leave, Shikin heard a voice from a group of NS guys asking for our number, and the first thing I thought was "kosong satu empat.. picit picit tak dapat.." But nah. I didn't say that to them though, because I didn't hear (or even bother?) what they said. But that's not important yeah?! I'm gonna work hard fot TP and will try my best to pass with my first try. InsyaAllah, with god's help I can make it. And sorry sidekick I can't drive you to school, I don't have a car of my own. That makes me not able to drive myself to school! Shikin, I depend on you now. A lot! The family car will be yours, and your TP will come before mine, so let's all look at her. HAHA.

I accompanied Feny to find her friend's present. Her friend is so fussy like crazy. Other than that, we saw LAMBORGHINI! It's way cool-er when the owner opened the door upwards, but I didn't manage to catch the photo at that point of time. So this is what I've got.

Awesome huh.

Cheers to everything that's made us happy.

Even the best fall down sometimes.

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.

Out of the doubt that fills my mind.

I somehow find you and I collide.

2007-07-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

Rifaie, sorry I'm unable to join u and Feny, and I know it's been a longgggggggg (pretty long eh?) time since I last see u and the other guys (BaDakS) too.. I guess it's quite too late, even to meet Harith,.. haha! And the last time we met was during Harith's birthday kan? -___-" So lonnnnnng. And don't worry, they wont torture you (much) in NS. Hope you meet great friends there and enjoy!! (:

PS: When is Syafiq's turn? They forgot about him ar? Or he's already in? *gasps*

2007-07-07T22:49:00.001+08:00

I don't know if vandalising craps in the bus or lifts or whatsoever will die someday, but c'mon man. It's sooooo more than a decade ago! Maybe decades!

And by looking at what's been written, I can only picture some school boys still in shorts writing these down; making enemies in school and all curious about sex.

"Please call them they feel like sex"

-___________-"

Need I say more?

2007-07-07T01:01:00.000+08:00

No one has taught me these kind of things.

Such complicated things;

You know how you feel, but you keep denying.

And it's rather difficult to show

For all you know, it's another wrong move.

2007-07-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

aku penat lah.

lama seh tak lari.

bile kaki cramp jer.

feeling dier saket.

tapi shiok lak.

lama tak rase cramp.

bukan stomach cramp lah.

kaki.

aku tengah cakap pasal kaki.

terime kaseh banyak2 to kiat.

sedap jgak urut kaki aku nie.

haha.

kite kalah dan menang.

ader jugak orang tak happy.

alahai.

kalau sumer nak menang sgt, jadi lah umpire.

win-win situation.

tak boleh gaduh ngan dorang nyee.

betolll.

kaki aku tak on the line pun kener blow.

hodob kan sopmam.

dah lah.

malas nak go on.

bye sumer~~~

ps: you'll never hear me talk like this when u see me. haha!

2007-06-30T14:36:00.000+08:00

hey yo! yeah must be wondering why the hell am i wearing thick sweater at home. my whole body itch like crazy, but don't worry, it's not contagious.

that's how my arm looks like now. as disgusting as it looks, imagine how terrible i must be feeling to suffer from this what-so-ever sickness you wanna call it. i forgot the name, but i don't think i'd be bothered to remember what it's called too. it's just part of the reason i'm missing s'pore vs aust match at the stadium now.

while i was trying to find some books from my bro's room, i saw an exercise book full of my bro's drawings. he loves japanese anime since the time axn showed samurai x, slam dunk, gatekeepers, etc. haha. those were the times i was into it too, but i guess whatever they showed in kids central now are rubbish. haha. so yeah, these are just some of the pics i took. not bad right?

i went to my grandmum's house few days ago and saw my two lil cousins. you have no idea how much the little one can speak. haha. super adorable lah. (:

comel banget!

i badly wanna watch at the stadium. furthermore it's free tickets sidekick was referring to.

!!!

i miss the feeling to watch at the stadium like the times when e35m watch s'pore against malaysia and thailand. haha. even shikin who doesn't watch football somehow changed her perception about the sport. true kan? =P but i guess i'm just not fated to watch today, for internal and external reasons which i don't think i wanna get involved to know.

good night everyone! (:

2007-06-27T21:27:00.000+08:00

I tried to think of ways to make myself clear. I might not be able to make you understand now, and you may never know what it feels like being in my shoes. I can't afford to please everyone all the time, or even you. And I've decided how I would want my life to be like for time being. I like the way things are for me right now. Everyday I see myself smiling even if other people don't see the requirement to glee over whatsoever matter. But this is the only way that helps to lessen the feeling of burden and assure myself I'll make it through.

I have read quite a number of blogs in the past, or there might still be in their present post, whereby people like myself could not understand how one is able to allow others into his or her life very easily. True? Since the last unfortunate day of my attached life, I see myself grow in the axis of time with independence. I think I'm doing good. Okay that doesn't seem convincing. I really am doing well! =) Even he asked, "we said those words to each other, but what's love? i'm sure even you can't define it." And they just got stuck inside my head till now. There's no definite answer of course, and it varies from people to people; thus too subjective. I haven't found the meaning of it yet according to my perception, and I'm not searching for any right now because I guess there isn't much time to divide any for another someone.

As we move along, it's rather hard to catch up with the past. Even Yan, Nadia, Yannie and I can't seem to get a good date for outing. And I miss Feny. Or godbros Benny and Joel. Or even when Terence told me he hasn't changed (maybe he does because he's getting more involved with everything else like crazy), I don't think I remember what he seems/ed to be like. But I guess I'll just be contented with whatever designated path specially for me, like the number of lives I have to save or something. HAH.

Oh, oh. One more. Wanna show you guys my scandal.
TA-DA! =D
Edison Chen

Bao Han said I'm forever living in fantasies, and out to lunch. Haha!

2007-06-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

Last Sat/Sun
Went to Tanjong Pinang.
Didn't manage to shop much.
And it wasn't as fun as I thought, because none of my cousins from dad's side were there.
There were other cousins whom I am not close with.
Just late granddad's youngest bro's grandchildren.
Seriously, that's the connection.
HAHA.
Adorable creatures, truly.
Very cheena looking. (:
Alhamdulilah, his brothers are still fit and healthy.
It's been a while since I met them.

Just some pictures to share.

I rode this thing. High standard trishaw. They just substitute their bikes from bicycles. =D And it's free. Hah.
Too lazy to upload other pictures.

But I'm very hardworking to show you these ones. =)

Johnny Storm; Fantastic 4. - Chris Evans. =D

So many girls' dream guy. Michael Scorfield; Prison Break. - Wentworth Miller.

Too many guys wanna be him. Clark Kent; Smallville. - Tom Welling.

The first time I saw him was in Gilmore Girls, as Dean Forester, Rory's first boyfriend. He also acts as the younger brother in Supernatural, didn't take note of his name from that show.
- Jared Padalecki

I likeeeeee Peter Petrelli; Heroes! But that wasn't the first time I saw him either. He was Rory's next boyfriend, Jess Mariano, after Dean in Gilmore Girls. HAHA. Soooooo like him lah. =P - Milo Ventimiglia

Yeah. The both of them. (: With Alexis Bledel sooooo pweety.

And of course, not forgetting Drake Bell, who is still at my top list.
Catch him up 7.30pm at Nickelodean channel; Drake and Josh.
HAH.

Well, what can I say?
Even these pictures make me so happy already.
=D
You know I needn't show Johnny Depp here. It's already kept in my heart. AWWWW~

DaAAaaa~~~

2007-06-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

I'm not so sure if you would agree with me on this.

I haven't exactly been doing things right. Everything I do seems to go wrong, and it just got worse, but I don't know how to change because the situation seems unstable, and I have no control over it. Why was life good back then, it doesn't get better constantly with time?

And there seems to be a catalyst that speeds up the reaction of deceleration to make this life even more difficult to handle. Oh why.

I never minded doing a lot of stuffs knowing I produce results for every of it. Who would mind for their own benefit right? But I'm tired putting in effort even for situations that weigh a pinch of salt, and alas just so I know that those I've spoonfed are far greater than where I am standing. I'm tired not gaining (other than weight) advantages from other people's initiatives. It isn't fair to me, and right now, I'm so ego-oriented. I don't know how to blame myself anymore.

Thank you sports and exercise psychology module for teaching me to analyse things even more. I'm going bonkers; psycho.

My past is catching up once again. It feels so frustrating, sometimes I even forgot to smile. And many times, I could smile and frown at the same time. I'm not sure if people feel the smile wasn't sincere, even I don't know if it is or not. Like rain drops on sunny day. You can feel the breeze and heat at the same time. Even natural occurence could come about multitasking within this short period. And within this period, there are just too many oscillations. The frequency gets higher and higher, it's too difficult to keep up. Plus, I should stop talking physics, shouldn't I?

Oh, I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.

Before Van had to leave for Fantastic 4 just now, we had early dinner at Mac.
I got this meal for myself, and I started asking whether they have McSpicy for a student meal, and Van said no. I guess I was plain lucky the woman taking my service gave me cheap. =D You seeee. As much as you can call me MAKCIK, other people think otherwise ok! I swear I didn't beg for discount in McDonald's! Aww come on agree with me I qualify the look of a secondary school student. HAHAHA! =D

I guess it's about time for superwoman to nap, and she's left with about 4.5 hours of sleep.

Good night all.

2007-06-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

irwansyah is kental lar k.

but i think he stole MY HEART.

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

2007-06-09T20:22:00.000+08:00

Was supposed to go East Coast today, but dearrrrrrr Harith got himself sick, and I ended up following my family to dad's cousin's wedding, which I'm not sure if he remembers of my existence, but I'm very sure he doesn't know how I look like.

I don't like the wedding.

First, the weather was ubber hot like @#$%^&!

Second, It's too traditional. I'm not saying I'm very modernized, but they have stuffs like kuda kepang, and sang songs like enjit-enjit semut and chan-mali-chan(only god knows whyyy?!?) and other typical malay wedding songs.

This thing should be banned. It's freaky, and those dudes on kuda kepang looked as though they were possessed or something.

And I actually thought of things I have to eliminate if it's going to be my wedding.

1) No malay wedding songs.
I was telling sis I wouldn't want any of it if it's my wedding, and she said "if it's mine, i don't mind if they don't have any music to play at all." -_-""" But sis is a great planner, I'm sure her wedding will be great even without music.
2) No kuda kepang, and any traditional performance whatsoever.
I'm not comparing kuda kepang with silat or something, but either ways, those performance are just something not up to my requirement.
3) Since Dee and Shickz are getting married together too, it can't be held at the void deck.
HAHAHA. I have tooooo many relatives to invite. Seriously. Maybe an indoor soccer field? =P

And there's Fantastic 4 on Star Movies now.

Jyaaaaaa~~~

2007-06-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

Every superhero needs sidekicks. Thank you both for being there for me all the time. =D

And thanks Nadia for listening. (:

2007-06-06T15:34:00.000+08:00

Was there a point of time a random thought of what you want yourself to be like strike you at one particular moment? People keep saying, "be yourself, be yourself" but what exactly is "yourself" when you haven't figured out? I'm not even a little close to knowing myself and whether my wants are realistic. I dream, like everybody says, or even when they don't believe I could run around the world for a period of one nanosecond, how can I prove when the speed is faster than the eye? (:

I seriously don't know where my future lies. I'm twenty years old, and I haven't figured what I want to be. It's too late to think "what I wanna be when I grow up", probably because I'm already a young adult. ;) Even an eight year old nephew of mine has ambitions to be a spiderman. Am I in the same classification as every others who only bother to think about bliss in this short-term life span? I've been losing so much time. Oh, help me here.

I think it's true that being a girl, many of us tend to depend on friends a lot, and the fact that I'm too dependent on my friends only delayed my important duties which I have yet to get them done. I'm not saying it's all because of them I have those priorities procrastinated, but it's all because of me that I choose things to be the way it goes. And I really hate poor time management. Plus this only means I'm only starting to hate myself.

I have another random topic to touch.

A friend and I were discussing some things which made me think a lot. When it comes to him, the topic's mostly on girls. I guess I was quite comfortable with what he wanted to share. He goes clubbing and all, and somehow he's stuck with girls who could just throw themselves on every guy they could easily make friends with. They could just buy every empty word a man could say, pour themselves out to be touched, and guess what, they don't have much feelings to this. They just want to have fun. Life is still young. Live to the fullest, and all those crap.

I know I'm not a psychology expert at all, but you can't use the same flirtatious and innuendo "strategies" to every girl, not every of them gets turn on the same way. Not all of them melt when you mention endearment terms, like for me, all those bring no meaning to me anymore. Sometimes I think I'm too nice when I haven't you that I don't like you, it could sometimes disgust me when you call me "switz". What in his right mind would he call me in the name of a country? OK not funny. But really. I can call you darling and have no feelings for you, true? I call Joey "precious", but yeah she is precious to me. HAHAHAHAHA. (Ok out of point.)

That's just it lah. Siong can't wait till I'm done blogging, don't know why my post is so interesting. HOHOHO! =P

Goodnight all~

2007-06-05T11:50:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday they played the movie 'Mozart and the Whale' on Star Movies starring my ex-boyfriend, Josh Hartnett. It's a love story regarding two autistic couple. They are people who looks at everything much more than we normal people do. Josh Hartnett, who played the role of this guy named Donald, was a brainiac while Isabelle was more of artistic, whom she can actually paint, listen to sounds and write music scores at the same time. As for Donald, whenever he's extremely excited (in a positive and negative way), he tends to count everything he sees to keep himself calm. How often do you see people in the streets counting the number of bricks? No? Truly, they are special.

While I was on the way to meet Shickz and Dee, I met quite a number of disabled people. There's this woman who have difficulties crossing the zebra crossing because her right leg is longer than her left, and some other body parts don't look proportionate either. It's really sad to watch, but she looks so grumpy, it's a little scary to approach.

And then I realised how contradicting this world can be. In town, clubs, pubs, gigs, shopping malls, beaches, or whatsoever, you can see so many people getting themselves poorer with clothes each day; the lesser the pieces, the better. But then again, sometimes even when they tried to hard, it's those who tried to cover their abnormalities are the ones who get more of the attention. I guess when someday people tried going out naked, it's the day the sun will rise from the west.

I always kind of like the view of fullerton, and other highrise buildings behind it, from far.

A-R-T. You said it.

The side of where people would face during fireworks day.

Plus my other favourite photos taken yesterday.

I kind of like this one too. The three of us think the guy in white is cute. Plus, it's barely you can hear me say a particular malay guy is cute(besidestheITHELPDESKguy). It's quite blur without flash, but of course we wouldn't put flash. HAHA. I guess he knew we were taking pics of him. =P (SSSOOOOOTAKTAUMALUUUU!)

Seaweed fries, anybody?

Goodday!

2007-06-04T00:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.

I think my friends who are friends with those who used to be my friends are damn lucky because those are friends who are still friends with the friends I still want to be friends with but couldn't.

2007-06-02T21:07:00.000+08:00

I had a pretty bad stomachache today. Is it because I mentioned the pontianak bapok in the previous post? A retribution or sth? -___-" It's pretty bad okaaaaay. It's the kind of stomachache you barely get. I still feel the pain till now. Seems like gastric. But I can't recall skipping a meal before this. Maybe it's the coke at Mac. Ah, okay I'll stop analysing.

It's funny because at the point when I spent such a looooooong time in the toilet, I thought a lot about many things I've done. MAYBE I'm punished having stomachache this bad because till now I still skip prayers when I'm not home. MAYBE I'm punished because I brought home a cat which everyone else bathe him before but me. MAYBE I'm punished because I'm fated to sit on the toilet bowl thinking about my sins or wrongdoings. Erm. I don't know. And I can't believe I'm blogging about this either, but all these makes me feel it's so true.

I keep listening to I'll Never Break Your Heart - Backstreet Boys since Melvyn played it few days ago. The song is not kental can? It was hot when we were nine back then. [=

2007-06-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

there were only few people attended lesson today. heng kiat, ryan, ashraf and sofian decided to leave. sofian only attended 1hr of class. haha.

the lesson was dreadful, and i guess i only understood about half of what my faci had explained. the lesson wasn't draggy, but it was difficult, that many of us don't mind even though our calculations went wrong. i seriously feel i need tuition myself. heh. (:

suddenly i remembered the conversation with carmeni, isa and zahran.
pontianak bapok.
hahaha.
what crapppp.

anywaysssss....

HAPPY 20th TO DEAREST NADIA!!!!!!

i searched for pics of you when we were in sec sch, but i guess i lost them since the day i had my laptop reformatted. go out together soon k sis? then can take more pics.. (:

2007-05-31T19:48:00.001+08:00

sometimes, when we analyse other people too much, we tend to realise which personality classification that suits us too. just now when i was at pc roadshow, there were so much ugliness you can see among those kiasu singaporeans. they were making their way like nobody's business. after buying external harddisk and keyboard for my home pc, sis volunteered to carry them. at first i wondered why, but she told me she made up her mind to use those as "weapons" to hit the people who keep banging into us. can you believe i actually bounced on a fat man's belly! goodness gracious.

so yeah. i finally got myself an external harddisk. 160gb, for only $99! cheapcheapcheap. =D plus, i haven't started walking around since great singapore sale,... i foresee myself getting broke somehow. heh.

godparents, godbro and wife and lil nephew already left for umrah.

:) and :(

dear mischief nephew will always be my dearest. [:

godmum said, "nie la salah satu nye anak ibu.."

nephew's step sis, which makes her my step-niece, is a cute thing.
i was too shy to ask for her name, knowing i would forget, and considering i couldn't remember
some cousins' names as well. really.

so i guess during the holidays i'll visit sengkang home more than tampines home. these 2 homes give me the sleeping effect. i likeeee. and i know i need more sleep.

i wanna go crossroads already.

thanks shickz for the instructor's number. heh. i'm starting my first practical lesson this saturday! =D

2007-05-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

It's funny how people actually portray, or feel about themselves sometimes. I have friends who are really gorgeous, but they seem to feel that they're not good enough. Yet there are people who don't realise that they are the shape of a ball, and they seem to be confident wearing a kidswear. Really, amazingly amusing.

When Shikin told me of the phrase, "Who I am hates who I've been", it makes so much sense, and sometimes I would just wish I hadn't done the things I did, or said the things I've said, but I guess it's already in my nature to have things worked out that way. It would normally take me a long time to start regretting, and then blogged whatsoever reasons out to make myself feel better, but no woman, the feelings continue to remain as a long/short term memory.

I find myself ridiculous these days. Some things which I never thought it would happen only came by to embarrass me. It could be that tears which rolled down my cheeks so involuntarily, the temper which I never meant to show, the silence which I very much wanted to break but couldn't,.. yadayada.. these things happen in us woman, you men don't have to try and bother understanding the mind of the female species. Because we don't understand either.

I could just smack myself this instant.

I meant to blog about something on behalf of a friend, but I'm not sure where to start. Maybe not today.

I returned the wireless card to the malay it helpdesk guy which many girls find cute, just now. =D He really is!! Even cuter close up when he stands in the bus right in front of you, and you just listen to the hilarious conversation when he speaks with his friend. Saket perot. Nasi ayam penyet. HAHA. Right right right Shickz? HOHOHO!

2007-05-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

happy 23rd dearest sis. (:

2007-05-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

nothing beats the sweetest thing only i could see in you.

2007-05-25T20:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know where I've gone wrong, and nothing seems to go pretty well for me as it is for others. As childish as it sounds, I feel like running to my godmum and breakdown in front of her. There're too many things to think and worry about. I swear I'm growing whites around my head, it's only a matter of time I should pluck them out one by one.

Time seems to be moving too fast for me. It's weekend so suddenly. It felt only few days ago I posted that I've forgotten to watch ANTM, and the next is shown just 35 hours plus away.

And I still haven't catch Pirates of the Carribean 3. :(

and and and...
yes and no.
heh.
you know, i know.

There's nothing much for me to say, or at least I won't be saying. Hah.

Eh one more thing. Thank you dear Sabrina Lau for driving Shickz and I to Tampines, and....

Happy belated bday to you!
Wait till Monday, I'll get something for you by then for sure! (:

Daaa~

2007-05-24T21:05:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure how to answer some relationship questions, and I find it a bit weird if I were to be asked why am I not attached, I would probably ask them back, "do I have to be?"

I don't know what's love anymore, and I am tired of clinging into infatuations when they don't last. People would normally just get interested for a few months, and then they decided they are able to get a better chick; this happens time and time again. I'm sorry if I'm not interesting enough, I'm sorry if I'm not sexy, I'm sorry if I'm not born cheap, and I'm really really sorry if I don't change.

I'm sure anyone, even you if you're still single, would want to be in a relationship because the bliss one would experience is something no other can take the memories away from. I can't deny I miss the past feelings, but it's not easy anymore and I'm not sure I would actually make a good girlfriend,... yet.

All in all I can conclude, I don't need relationship-involvement for now. (:

Today's UT is a killer. I won't be surprised if I get a D. Shickz said they included week 5 inside! How are we supposed to study 1-5 when the test is just as short as 30 mins?!? Blardy hell... I have 10 marks question blank. I'm soooo going to comment on it for the next survey.

And I hate default RJ questions.

* * * * * * * * * * *

2007-05-24T03:55:00.000+08:00

It's 4 in the morning, and I'm still happily watching Liverpool lose against Milan. Heh. Okay, don't say I'm mean, I MEAN, look who's talking? Initially, I didn't mind if Liverpool win the cup, but my dear Liverpool fan FRIENDS got sooooo big headed and turned UTTER IRRITATING,... that I would put aside the thrash Milan had against Man U and decided to support them now. Plus, HOW COULD KAKA STILL LOOKS BLARDY GORGEOUS IN SWEATS? (To those who self-proclaim they are Kaka, wake up!!)

But I gotta give credits to Liverpool because their matches aren't as boring as Chelsea's. AND AND AND I love Italian players, because they still look good despite aged in football. Like Maldini. =D Right Right Right? Except Gattuso though. He'll NEVER be a favourite, and I still wonder why they put him in, when he can't dribble, he's slow, and he's a very very very good actor so that he can "innocently fall" that I hate him. Lousy asshole.

Didn't I mention before football is a very emotional game?

My sis and I agreed, Filippo Inzaghi looks like T-Bag from Prison Break. Except T-Bag is more of an ass.

Ok, I've gotta continue study for Bio Instrumentation.

2007-05-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

SUDDENLY,

EVERY TERRIBLE NEWS HAPPENS

TO EXIST

AND BOUND TO START

HATING ME.

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

2007-05-20T23:24:00.000+08:00

There're so many things to do, so much things to think about, and so little time to get all these important stuffs completed. I even forgot to watch America's Next Top Model. No time to visit godmum and nephew, no time to pick a crush, so on so forth. I'm planning to sleep late today, so it doesn't kill to spend a few minutes blogging. (:

I didn't manage to watch Iman's baby contest at Century Square with the other cousins/relatives just now. It's killing me with the amount of work my FYP team and I had to get this report completed on a blardy Sunday. Plus Drogba's goal at the last 5 min made the day worse, and I know I have yet to face pro anti-Man U jerks sooner or later. I don't regret not able to come for cousins' outing just now, but I know I missed the fun they had. They even had me gifts, and sis and I haven't gotten them any.

And I've yet to find them something with sis.

Till then!

2007-05-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

HAHA. My piggy sayang me that he asked me to blog that way. HAHAHA.

2007-05-18T16:50:00.000+08:00

the only entertaining thing that has happened these days, is when feny saw one of these two guys at funan kfc who looked like one of the guys from the indonesian band, ungu, and wanted to take a photo of him.

so she was showing me the phone, telling me to read harith's msg, and skali....
*KECEEEK*

ALAMAK woman. paiseh lar gue. amacem forget to off the sound of your phone.
HAHAHA.

i'm looking forward to go to harith's house, but i have a feeling there'll not be many people i know. =/

i hate blogging when im not using my own laptop. so i'll cut short here. bye!

it's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry.

2007-05-15T17:35:00.000+08:00

As time flies we might realize that there will be a certain something that had actually created an impact or adjustment in our lives. We aren't able to remain childish forever, or such that even if there are selfish traits in our genes, there will be a point of time that pops into our pragmatic minds to have a stop to all these nuisance. I didn't realize I was subconscious about the seriousness for every lesson since I entered the third year. Sometimes, I even think I would have no time for netball, and wonder if it was a bad timing to join again. And even when many people are annoyed about the questions Adeline tend to ask in class, time after time I didn't think I mind, because it's her style of learning or grabbing A's, and when Priya was her past inspiration, she is my inspiration for the efforts I tried to contribute or participate as well.

I contributed only one useless slide that shows the results of our voltage input in the lab. And my two other summarized slides turned out useless because my other team mates have already done that part. When Isa said that they will definitely give me some slides to present and it's just as simple as reading what is screened, I didn't think he realized how I just felt. It was as hurting as when he thinks Adeline did not share some parts during Applied Chemistry. I foresee a C today. It doesn't make me feel any better when the RJ is,
"Suppose your one of teammates is not putting in the same effort as you in class,how would you encourage him/her to participate?"
It only feels like a retribution.

The point is, I know I'm able to read word by word (who doesn't?!?), but I don't do that anymore. And I've been assigned to read the slides which I haven't gotten any clue about. It's not even a little bit of humorous to joke around at the period when I feel pissed. First time my life in RP I am angry for not able to contribute anything good. I'm not brilliant, you know it, and I don't know how to overcome the situation if this repeats. I don't want to be one who will get used to getting Cs. Perhaps time will allow me to adjust myself from here.

And right now, I just feel like lying down and forget all these. Contradiction, no? I won't forget. I'll take this a lesson learned, and reckon I know what to do about the situation already.

I feel I've just written an RJ.

2007-05-12T22:54:00.000+08:00

photographs, after photographs.
it's a blessing knowing many people around appreciates the meaning of beauty.
yet not everyone looks at beauty the same way.
not every beauty has to look real.
this, everyone knows.

i'm appreciating everything.
whether the beauty or cruel things that i've seen in life,
i learned there's no point complaining.
to think that i'm suffering from fatigue and insomnia,
there are other people who had faced worse.

i'll even remember isa making the attempt to open the mushroom can.

or amir's attempt to desperately open the tomato paste.

just so you know, this isn't an attempt. i can really cut the onions. really. (:

even the presence of jibrel in the kitchen will be a memory.

reminiscence of the poster boy who loves to eat. and oh boy, he does eat a lot. you have no idea.

the girls everyone will miss without their presence. XD

he, who loves being in the photos (behind people).

even when amir looks at us in a weird way when we hold the digicam...

the boys whom will (i think) remain as boys in heart.

she might be the one who adds obvious memories and leave footsteps in your heart.

or.
it could even be my last birthday.

every bit of what you've ever done will always remain a reminisce to me.
and the purpose of me writing all these is.
because.
you'll never expect what will happen sooner or later.
every of this will fade in time.
we'll move on to different paths.
worse comes to worst.
we will leave this world some day.
i've lost a primary school classmate recently.
didnt know till aidid told me.

A Rare Commodity says:
did you hear about isz?
faiza says:
urm
faiza says:
no
faiza says:
wad?
A Rare Commodity says:
he passed away
faiza says:
innalilah
faiza says:
really
faiza says:
what happened?
A Rare Commodity says:
ya
A Rare Commodity says:
he was in taiwan
A Rare Commodity says:
serving ns ah
A Rare Commodity says:
the these two fighter jets crashe
A Rare Commodity says:
*crashed
faiza says:
ouhh
faiza says:
from whom did u hear?
A Rare Commodity says:
its in the papers
A Rare Commodity says:
check out straits times

i was reading "signs of the last day" which isa lent me.
it said:
most people know at least something about the last day.
almost everyone has heard one thing or another about the horror of the hour.
nevertheless, most tend to have the same reaction to it as they do to other matters of vital importance, that is, they do not want to speak or even think about it.
they try very hard not trying to think about the terror they will experience on the last day.
they cannot bear the reminders of the last day found in a news report of a terrible accident or a film report about some disaster.
they avoid thinking about the fact that that day will certainly come.

there are so many mix emotions inside of me right now. i definitely want to pay a visit for isz's loss. to any of those from oeps who happens to read this, if you have any info pls do let me know. thanks.

ku ingin nikmati segala jalan yang di hadap ku.

and i appreciated the heart you drew for me in the sky back then.

2007-05-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

I don't quite understand people who took a long time to turn fickle-minded, and they tend to drag the situation. I just can't figure out. But wth.

Is it me, or that I think the people whom I used to be close with, are the people whom I barely have anything to talk with right now? Oh well.

And I think I've been spending my money like running water.
I've got to close the tap.
Not being stingy or anything, I think I should stop being so generous for time being.
My apologies, I just can't afford to be that way right now.
I'm in need of cash, plus there's Harith's and baby Danish's presents to buy.
Khairul's birthday is coming too, but I guess I'll just wish him. Hah. Sis, tell him that for me in case I forget okeh? (:
And tutoring one student isn't enough.
I need to find another.
Maybe it's about time I really have to find a job at any tutoring center.
This way I can afford to pay for my driving lessons as well. =D

Didn't go to Glitz.
Heard floorball won the team of the year again.
It was expected.
Siong said pet pig was sad he didn't win Captain of the Year.
It's okay pig, when you meet your species, you'll win definitely.
Owner here have faith in you. ((:

Siong calls me a minah pig now.
Thanks lah pet pig.
You both pig lah. HAHA.
I'm OWNER. ALWAYS.
LOLLLL.
Plus, minah is the most insulting adjective in the world.
@#$%^&!
*poke*

2007-05-09T21:15:00.000+08:00

If life is to be as simple as those in the movies where every problem would definitely be solved, we need not turn paranoid and worry a shit out of anything, because the story-line of any situation will be fixed. It is amazing how people are able to smile when they meet difficulty, or laugh when they feel troubled. Not every of us are as optimistic.

If what I have seen is true, maybe it's best to just smile. I may be the last person to know anything. Perhaps it's even better if I don't know it all. I have never regretted anything this bad, because I know I still care, and right now, I'm not so sure how to feel, knowing the loss busted the own words said after several period of time. My instinct tells me it will last. And I made a confirmation with myself; I was just a number. The second last of everything else. This, I smile.

I know it's weird to react this way. I wish I could do what people told me to do, but what's the point if one can't force him or herself? At this point of time I know I've changed, and grown up. Something which I could not turn myself like before. You might not believe it, but it's all up to you. Maybe I should thank that past for adjusting myself and making amendments to my typical reactions at this point of time. I've learned something after all. I'm proud. (:

Plus, I'm aware I've been bias and unfair,.. sometimes. So long I haven't been able to meet the aspiration, no matter how good you are to me, I only repay kindness that is utter dependent on my "atmosphere". My humble apologies if I'm a disappointment.

Carmeni, Shikin and I were walking towards the interchange from school after 7, and bumped into some Year 1s who were discussing about computing module. Once in a while it feels good to have the ya-ya feeling that we're older and seniors.
"Eh tomorrow what module you have ar?"
"Signal processing, you?"
"Instrumentation for me uh."
"Tomorrow got Applied Chem UT seh.."
HAHA. And they fell silent.

2007-05-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter what they think. I've been told that one can never be able to please everyone, so be it. At times I tried to make things normal, and although I know it's never easy to change the condition back to what it was, just so they know, I tried.

And I understand I can be one freaking complain queen, and you may have had enough of me. I'll stop if you don't want to hear from me anymore, it's as simple as that.

I'm just as tired as you are. The normal PP and FYP are killing my time and energy, plus the routine back and forth to school is getting more and more weary. Sometimes I wish I could collapse so I wouldn't need to bother about all these for a moment. But then again I'm aware whatever prayers I hope for. I'll take back my words.

Just something adorable to show you. Cute kan my cat? =D

Really am tired. Bye!

2007-05-04T11:52:00.000+08:00

i need this break, and have a good time on my own. i'll search for whatever happiness, and hope i won't be affected much by it. but i'm still not going to get myself attracted to anyone or sth. just so you know.

spiderman 3 is waiting for me tomorrow. will be watching with dee, and then ismail asked to meet him and the other guys, so maybe will be joining them for dinner. but then again, im having second thoughts because my first love will be on tv. yeah, it's man utd. i can't be disappointed in them forever. haha. it sounds as if im attached to them all. lol. emotionally attached, well... of course. =D siong and akram said im hard core fan. carmeni said i should have gender checked. i think,...
-_______-"

it's really late and i guess i forgot to wish MASTURA and SINHA happy birthday. ((: so here i am. gonna make a shoutout.

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO MAS AND LEGAL 21st BIRTHDAY TO SINHA!!! =D =D =D

kita masih muda
dalam mencari keputusan
maafkan aku ingin kembali

2007-05-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

The first bus Shickz and I missed on the way to school was freaking crowded, and thankfully it's always worth patience to wait for the other bus which arrived around 5 min or so, and it's sooooo much less packed than the earlier one. I'm gonna hate Wednesdays, because I'll only be taking the same bus as the year ones, and I hate it.

I've done my math calculations. Here it goes.

too many year 1s = increase frequency of buses
increase frequency of buses = too many vehicles on road
too many vehicles on road = traffic jam
traffic jam = late to school
late to school = grades downgraded
grades downgraded = bad impression
bad impression = @#$%^&!

therefore,
too many year 1s = @#$%^&!

I always knew I'm a good Math Tutor. HAHAHA. Haziqah better agree with me or else......... *siap lou* hohoho!

So my FYP mates and I have confirmed Suresh Kumar is such terrible supervisor. He didn't even make attempts to check on us today. Only had his msg about our whereabouts and told me he'd come in the afternoon, but guess what, not at all!

Instead, Carmeni, Shickz and I had our fun time taking pics using the school acer laptop webcam. =D

There's no space for the tenth, but it doesn't matter lar k? You get the idea.

Didn't go for friendly just now, and my head is still burning like hell. I think I'd like to sleep now before the important match, and I don't want to say much anyway. Honestly, I'm really afraid what will happen in San Siro later on. Pray, pray pray.

Take care all. Be in good health, or you'll end up irritating others by clearing your throat like me!

Jya~

2007-05-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

The last thing I need is getting myself sick when I feel there are lots of things I already planned to do. And this includes my TV shows. It's like,.. I'll end up having the TV watching me instead of vice-versa. So should I be watching the Reds and Blues match? I'd hope a win for Liverpool, because if Chelsea wins, Man U will be seeing a lot of Blues for other leagues (that is if the Devils make finals). But on the other hand, everyone (who hate Man U) is expecting Liverpool and Milan to be in the finals, and of course I VERY much don't like it. Hmmpphhffff.

Right now, I don't know why my handphone is taking the speed of a running snail to send msgs. Does this give the significance that it's about time for me to get a new phone? Heh. And guess what. I've used this phone for a year, and I just got to know how to check for voice msgs. LOL. Seriously, I didn't know how StarHub works, and it was much easier using M1. In any case, please don't bother to send me any if you intend to, because I think I'll be lazy enough to check, and every call made will be 99 cents charged for me. Dumb right? Right.

I won't deny it's quite (or VERY?) awkward to be returning back to netball, and that Coach kept asking where were Shickz and I all this while,.. perhaps deep down I think he knows the answer. But then again, I'm allowing myself to forget the past, and trying to adapt to the new goals I'm setting.
ASK ME, ASK ME,.. WHAT'S MY GOAL?

Unlike many others, I'm not chasing for a spot. I know the possibility of earning it is damn low, considering I have a lot to catch up, plus even if I have my chances to, I'm 99.9% sure he still won't change, so yeah. That's basically just it. Besides, I miss the feeling of being a natural running water-cooler, and I know I have to keep myself busy, and I think my current busy is not enough. Because it happens time and time again that I will still think of him, but I must give myself a reward for some courageous efforts made even though personally I think it is still soon for so, but if it's not now, then when? (: I'm loving myself. HAHA.

I'm tired to wet this towel and wipe my forehead and neck again and again. Plus my head is a temporary induced spinning top, and it's almost midnight, and I'm still deciding if I should watch the match.
(I think there are too many and/s in these 2 sentences.)

Starlight..
I will be chasing the starlight..
Until the end of my life..
I don't know if it's worth it anymore..

Our hopes and expectations..
Blackholes and revelations..

Bubye!

2007-04-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

And all the times we have been through together.

Dee and Shickz, (with Van Wee and me), on the last night when there was ever Secret Recipe in Suntec. (:

On the day when RP soccer lost to NYP. Ooops.. =X

Chalet at Shikin's...

At Dee's place...

Ladies in pink. FYI, we don't fancy pink. Happened to wear the same colours many times. =D Guess great minds think alike huh? =P

Soccer times,... when Singapore won Malaysia 2nd Leg..

IKEA!

After Sentosa...

On Shikin's birthday after eating at Han's River...

Vivocity..

D'sentosa...

D'secretrecipe.

So here she is.. the birthday girl... ((:

JUST WANNA SAY HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO DEAREST DIANA AND AISYAH.CUTE TOO!

((:

faiza says:
bilang dier gi duduk diam2 tgk tv jer
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
eh diam la
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
tknk kwn sudqh
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
sudah ah*
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
stop being childish
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
u suck
faiza says:
hahaha
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
haha
faiza says:
majookkkkkk
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
sape majokk sia
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
relek sua
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
kau kahwin ngn king kong sua
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
hahahaha!
faiza says:
klakar k
faiza says:
dah?
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
tx
faiza says:
blom habis lagi?
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
blom
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
ade lagik
faiza says:
ok go on
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
laajhxcirhfjnjcbgrfjcr
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
mbdm4rjfhkgrfg5tg
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
dhtjfuvtpvr8i07r9y44
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
gcj4utfkd3a w2swNGKw
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
jyhdi7f95i4kfl4fk5
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
rhfk5lt8g5t9fh4rfh4ryhirfyi
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
mk4he4k7r85r64egn2ag2k
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
dah abes
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
thx ija
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
hahahaha
IzZ.. a l l m y o n l y d r e a m s . . . says:
k bye!

HAHAHAHA. That was Fir using Ismail's PC. IDIOT....

2007-04-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm loving Man Utd even more! =D

Just so all those anti-Man Utd supporters know.. Perhaps Man U fans needn't filter all the noises you made, because the matches do the saying for us, and it speaks louder than your words. =P

Hope it isn't too soon to say. I'm still worried about Milan's match. =/

I'm craving for sushi.

Are you?

2007-04-27T21:33:00.000+08:00

Today's RJ question.

"People are like teabags. You have to put them into hotwater before you can know how strong they are." Relate this to your learning in RP and in your daily life.

- trying to be creative is it?! -.-"
Teabags. I only know the T-bag guy from Prison Break is such a sissy cunning gundu.

* * * * * * *

Mind you, I'm tired for don't-know-what-reason and I can complain even more than usual. And speaking of complaints, you should actually listen to how well Shikin is at doing so when she's feeling very @#$%^&*! HAHA.

"Walk faster lah.. Confirm year ones.. Only year one's carry those laptop bags.."

"Still walking so slow.. walk fasterr lahh.. already occupy so much space in 168.."

When 168 queue is long,...

"Nie confirm there're year ones.. let's ask who are year ones and ask them give respect to the senior citizens.. oops.. i mean seniors.."

HAHAHA. And you should know Shikin's voice is a natural amplifier.

Dee, Shickz's got this aunty syndrome!!! LOL. Claiming herself senior citizen.. HAAHAHAHAHA. =P

It's just as funny as when Ashraf keeps saying 16+9=27.. or when he reads the book Netball for Dummies, and like Shikin said, it's like they actually had the book made for him. HAHA. Either ways, Ashraf is my no. 1 fan and is opening up to the fan club. Sofian is already in it, and maybe they could spread the fan club to Fahmy, etc.. Awwwwwww.... I'm touched! =D

As-the-matter-of-fact, I made them my fans.. and they were like.. like.. "what did u say again?"

=D=D=D

These are just things that keep me cheery. And it includes the pleasant sight of,.. but I shouldn't be anyway.

Ah, wth,.. I am anyway. =P

2007-04-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

How do you feel about what you have learnt, and why?

I have NEVER liked this RJ question. I seriously have no idea what to answer. Is she expecting me to say I am happy or upset or angry or overjoyed,.... what was she thinking? And everytimg this RJ question is given I'll answer it the same way,..

"I feel satisfied about what I've learned today because....."

Which is conspicuously fake because I think I'm not motivated about today's problem statement regarding motivation.

Ah, wwwwwwttttttthhhhhhhhh.

2007-04-25T18:42:00.000+08:00

TOAST TO MAN UTD!

*three cheers*

Seems neat to get myself busy with the stuffs I used to do.
Nadia: In case Fairul hasn't asked you yet, they wanna set this up again. I haven't given a confirmation because I'm afraid I'm not able to commit. What about you? My reply to them depends on yours. LOL. ((:

Other than that, yeah I've decided to join netball back regardless what people might think. It's been a long time since I ran, and I know I won't be able to earn the position I used to play, plus there're too many Cs in the team. I guess I just join for the sake of fun and keeping myself busy from unnecessary thoughts.

* * * * * * *

I've decided to put myself together and delete every single past that had shown me the meaning of nuisance. It doesn't matter anymore. I've thought about this a lot, and I know it's time for me to let it go. He's not worth it. And even though I may not be able to allow anyone in my life just yet, I'll make it through.

2nd March 2006, the day first get to know him.
25th April 2007, I'm giving it all up finally.

Time sure tells everything, doesn't it? It decides when you have a change of heart, and aids every single wound that lies within yourself. I'm waiting till the day I'm able to quit this through and through. That would be the day there won't be any awkwardness when we see each other eye to eye.

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
When my love for you is blind
But I couldn't make you see it.
That I loved you more than you'll ever know.

11:11pm, I'm done clearing my inbox officially. I just need to do one more thing tomorrow, and I hope I'll feel a lot better.

Happy 21st Birthday to you.